When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving advice,
You have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn't
Feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to
Solve my problem, you have failed me,
Strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen,
Not talk or do - just hear me.

Advice is cheap: 10 cents will get you both Dear Abby
And Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself. I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need
To do for myself, you contribute to my fear
And inadequacy.

But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do
Feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
Then I can quit trying to convince you and can
Get about the business of understanding what's
Behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious
And I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand
What's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some
People - because God is mute, and He/She doesn't give
Advice or try to fix things. "They" just listen and
Let you work it out for yourself.

So please listen and just hear me. And, if you don't want to
Talk, wait a minute for your turn, and I'll listen to you.

Ralph Roughton, M.D.